Hurtful

I wish I didn't know what is love in past. The feeling of loving a person more than anyone else. Missing the person you love everyday without fail. Now, it hurts so badly. I wish I could move on.

Fake smile behind a happy face

It's the same thing over and over again. Bursting into tears when I think of him. I tried not to especially when it is time for me to sleep. I do smile a lot this past few days but people don't see the tears behind my fake smiles. Each night, I tell myself "You're doing great without him because he's doing great without you too." Yeah, maybe he's doing great without me but I'm not. All I want is him to be here. Just wanting his presence.  That's all. I want to message him but sadly, he blocked my number. I want to call him but I have nothing to say. I direct message him at Twitter but he didn't reply.  I know I'm clapping on one hand and he doesn't even want to respond. I really miss his presence. There's nothing I could do but to blog about it so it would be better for me. This few days, I keep thinking about him. I miss him a lot till I placed his tee shirt with me to bed every single night. Every time I hope he reads my blog and misses me too. I am alive but my heart dies and tears will not stop rolling down my cheeks. I hate that. My feelings are blank. I got to put a fake smile to the people around me. Laughing real hard and makes everyone thinks that i'm happy. Keep reminding myself to move on. There's a saying, "Life is easy, people makes it complicated. 

Anniversary

 20th March, marks our 1st year if we were still together. I wish I could spend my time together again with you. Sadly, I only have the chance to relive the memories that we've done together. Where ever we go and what we did during the times spent in the past. Each time I past by the places we've been, I think about you. There are some activities that I could recall which is playing table tennis in school, cycling by the beach, playing 'dam' near your house area, the red seeds we played together, studying and did school projects at my place after school, had dinner with our family, sheesha with our circle of friends, house party and the thing that we mostly do together is watching movie. There's too much things that we did together. 5 months had past and I'm still thinking about you every day and night. Even in my dreams I still see you. I smile and laugh by myself each time I remembered the things we did that makes me laugh again. I miss you terribly but there's nothing that I could possibly do. I don't want you to get irritated and annoyed if I try to make an effort.